Stickin' it With Steve: An Email

To: Ryan
Subject: ?

I don't know what the fuck you mean when you say that I gotta get NEW consoles.

-Steve

Stickin' it with Steve: Bioshock Review

Let me start out this review by saying: Yes I pirated this game -SEEMS SOMEONE FORGOT TO SEND ME A REVIEW COPY!

Apparently this game was released on the Xbox 360, PC and the Sega CD because I couldn't click my mouse fast enough to skip all the FMV cutscenes. Anyway you're sitting in the back of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004 and then the screen fades to black. Then all of a sudden you're in water. Apparently the plane capsized because this is the 1960s and they forgot to rotate the bellows or bless the vessel with a priest. Here's where the game take a turn for the worst some dope forgot to texture the water before they shipped it off. What the Eff! Apparently this truly is a spiritual successor to System Shock, that being, a huge disappointment.


What the hell Bioshock, the water was supposed to be the ONE cool thing in your game

The game only ran for a few more minutes before completely halting my rig. Most gamers have already pieced this together while other gamers have been flooding message boards with "screenshots" which are actually just concept artwork in an effort to look cool. The real deal here is under the pressure of release dates, bioshock devs implemented rudimentary system crashers to cripple pcs under the guise of the game being "Next-gyn graphics." No doubt in a few months we'll get a "patch" that will let us play the game. Bravo 2K games, not since Honest Iago himself has a more ruthless backstabbing to the game community been orchestrated.

1/10