Friday, September 26, 2014

Middle-earth: Oops! All Orcs! Showing Positive Reviews Ahead of Release

Monolyth seemingly has cracked the formula when it comes to the Lord of the Rings franchise with its newest game: Middle-earth: Oops! All Orcs! The game is currently sitting at a 85 point Metacritic score with critics praising the streamlined approach to Middle-earth world building. It seems like the old adage rings true "give the people what they want!" and they want orcs!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Stickin' it With Steve: An Email

To: Ryan
Subject: ?

I don't know what the fuck you mean when you say that I gotta get NEW consoles.


Sunday, March 8, 2009



Rumor mills are a spinnin, Wii to get its very own re5 sidestory, ala Dead Rising: Chop til you Drop, and Dead Space: Extraction.

suck it xbawks.

trey 4 lyfe. factual evidence. etc. etc.

BLAZBLU, BLAZBLU, BLAZBLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ever watch anime and say, i wish i was controlling the anime?? now u can

blazblue: CALAMITY TRIGGER (what??)
is coming to gajin-land (the US) thanks to the almighty aksys-sama


how chinky is dis.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Scouts origins revealed! Caketaku XXXCLUSIVE.

As everyone knows the wikipedia team fortress 2 article has come under rapid fire edits and outright vandalism, as accent aficionados endlessly debate the origin of the Scouts accent.

We here at Caketaku decided to get to the SOURCE of this debacle and close the VALVE on this problem.

So we decided to email Gabe Newell himself...
date: Oct 8, 2007 9:38 PM
subject: scouts accent please respond! urgent!

Hi Gabe Newell.

There has been alot of confusion in wikipedia over the Scouts accent. (from tf2 not tfc)

people have edited it to say he has an accent ranging from, Boston, Brooklyn, Southie Boston, New England, Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey and more!

We need to know the truth! well we already know its a new england accent, BUT you need to give the tf2 and wikimunity peace and tell them once and for all!

Thanks in advance Gabe,
-Keith, editor for Caketaku

p.s. perhaps a future patch wherein the scout says "wicked" or "go sawks" is necessary to solidify his origins. just a suggestion!

After Gabe CCd it to all of Valve we received this timely response....

Oct 9, 2007 2:03 PM
subject: RE: scouts accent please respond! urgent!
mailed-by: ******

The Scout comes from the mean streets on the bad side of the tracks
bisecting a major city that lies along the east coast of the United
States in Team Fortress 2's alternate version of Earth.

So there you have it folks, he's from BOSTON.

Monday, October 8, 2007

What happened to the updates?!

So Caketaku has been flooded with emails over the past couple of months wondering where the updates went. So, we are providing this handy chart to let you know whats up.

50 Cent Sets "Dawgs" on Orange Box

With 50 Cent leaving the music industry after his gamble over Kayne West, Curtis James Jackson III has begun pooling his resources back into the videogame industry with the upcoming release 50 Cent: Bulletproof 2. Not to be outdone by the upcoming holiday releases, 50 Cent has extended yet another wager. "If Bulletproof 2 sells less than Orange Box, I quit the videogame industry."

INTERESTING DEVELOPMENT! We already knew Bulletproof 2 was changing it's visual style to one more similar to that of Team Fortress 2, but we never knew they'd be going at it head to head!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Caketaku Exclusive: an interview with Sheikhardy!

You asked for it, you got it: An exclusive interview with Youtubes' Sheikhardy, anime reviewer and youtube cult icon. We got some great responses, thanks Hard!

Caketaku is working hard to land more exclusive interviews, so stay tuned ya' heard.

be sure to check out Hards' channel for more:

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Image of the millenium.

Just chillin with our DSs' now that we've all beaten Bioshock.


Inspiring documentary about the creator of Kami-Robo wrestling. \(^3^)/

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

"'BioShock' May Be the Best Game Ever"

"'BioShock' May Be the Best Game Ever"
-Tim Stevens


Kokoro Scan commercial: indecipherable.


Original angry video-game nerd 4 lyfe.

George Wood brings the original hate.


o dip, Cave Story uses the bassline from Karateka for the cave theme.

Stickin' it with Steve: Bioshock Review

Let me start out this review by saying: Yes I pirated this game -SEEMS SOMEONE FORGOT TO SEND ME A REVIEW COPY!

Apparently this game was released on the Xbox 360, PC and the Sega CD because I couldn't click my mouse fast enough to skip all the FMV cutscenes. Anyway you're sitting in the back of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004 and then the screen fades to black. Then all of a sudden you're in water. Apparently the plane capsized because this is the 1960s and they forgot to rotate the bellows or bless the vessel with a priest. Here's where the game take a turn for the worst some dope forgot to texture the water before they shipped it off. What the Eff! Apparently this truly is a spiritual successor to System Shock, that being, a huge disappointment.

What the hell Bioshock, the water was supposed to be the ONE cool thing in your game

The game only ran for a few more minutes before completely halting my rig. Most gamers have already pieced this together while other gamers have been flooding message boards with "screenshots" which are actually just concept artwork in an effort to look cool. The real deal here is under the pressure of release dates, bioshock devs implemented rudimentary system crashers to cripple pcs under the guise of the game being "Next-gyn graphics." No doubt in a few months we'll get a "patch" that will let us play the game. Bravo 2K games, not since Honest Iago himself has a more ruthless backstabbing to the game community been orchestrated.


Monday, August 20, 2007

Gettin Real with Ryan: a Rebuttal

STOP EMAILING ME, we haven't abandoned caketaku, we're friggin' playing bioshock.

Sunday, August 19, 2007


It's a giant gold lighter robot, fuck logic.

Thursday, August 16, 2007


WELL IT ISN'T, and I'm gonna proove-it-too-ya...

Gettin Real with Ryan: a Rebuttal

Thanks Keith, great column.

Kickin it with Keith: a Gaming Column

Super Mario Bros. is a simple game to describe; two Italian plumbers fight an army of turtles and their monarch in oder to rescue a Princess. There has been multiple Marrio games over the years, and they pretty much follow this same formula. In 1993, the world was introduced to Super Mario Bros. the movie, which was a big deal at the time, seeing as it was the first movie to be modeled after a video game. From top to bottom, the film barely resembled the game. Starting with casting, they had Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as Mario and Luigi. Neither really fit the role, as Hoskin was not physically fit for the role, and Leguizamo in no way appeared to be Italian. Then we have the damsel in distress, played by Samantha Mathis. While there is no complaints I can find in the actress, the role itself did not fit. Instead of Princess Peach, the object of Mario's affection in 99% of the Mario games released, they used Daisy, the mostly forgotten damsel from the Mario's Gameboy Adventures.. And then we have the villian himself, King Kooper played by none other than Dennis Hopper. DENNIS HOPPER! And it wasn't an animated character, nor a man in a suit and make-up. It was Hopper himself with oddly gelled hair. The movie did eventually give a glimpse of Koopa in a reptilian form towards the end of the film, but it just came off as looking a bit silly. Then there's the other characters of the film. You have Toad, now a normal guy instead of a mushroom man, who gets transformed into a Goomba, now large hulking frames in trenchcoats with tiny lizard heads. Yoshi makes an appearance in the film, but does not appear to be much more than a pet who winds up playing Koopa's assistant. (Trivia: she was played by Harry Potter's aunt from the films) And then you have Koopa's two idiot nephews.

Moving on from the cast of the film, we have the setting of the film, the so-called "Mushroom Kingdom." Instead of a colorful landscape with floating brick platforms and massive green pipes, we have a dark and dirty industrialized city covered in fungus and surrounded by a desert. The world itself is explained as being an alternate earthe where dinosaurs continued to live and eventually evolved to the point of having human bodys. Finally, we arrive at the plot of the film. Daisy is left at an orphanage as a baby and given some chunck of rock to hold onto. Years later, she's a student at an archeological site and meets Mario and Luigi. She gets kidnapped and Mario and Luigi follow, crossing over into the alternate earth. They work to get the rock back, discover that the fungus is Daisy's dad, Mario dances with the Pinesol lady, they shoot Koopa with a couple of Super Scopes, save the kingdom and go home. Then, the movie ends in a cliff hanger, where Daisy arrives at Mario and Luigi's door requesting their help, for something bad is going on in her home world, leaving us to wonder what might have happened, and what they will do to stop it in the possible sequel. Even at the age of 12, this was a question I had no interest in wanting answered. All in all, the movie can be summed up in one word: